


Smolder

by Chromophilic_Daydream



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Bittersweet, M/M, canon character death, late night angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-03 07:35:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6602317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chromophilic_Daydream/pseuds/Chromophilic_Daydream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which burning can be better than numbness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a small Drabble that I wrote one night and posted to my tumblr while doing laundry. This has only the slightest more meat to it! Enjoy!

——–/  
Munakata Reisi used to smoke for two reasons... when his stress was getting the better of him and when he was bored. The former of the two were usually quite significant in opposition to his normal, calm state of being.

In latter years, that involved Suoh ignoring his wishes and blatantly trying to get under his skin. He smoked a lot more in the 12 days before Suoh died, since all that mess escalated. That time spent on desperate warnings and empty promises left him wondering if he could have ever really changed anything.

The latter of the two reasons was not feasible anymore. It used to be just a thing to do, smoking... Now he thought about him whenever he lit a cigarette, more often in the winter months than any other time of year. The act lost its footing in that sense, neither did it cause him stress nor alleviate his bordom. All it managed to do was remind him.

He wondered if the burn in his lungs was really satisfying because of the nicotine, or the pain that etched itself into his body. The dull ache, he knew, was nothing like the existence Suoh had, but it was as close as he could get to understanding now.

He never put the cigarettes out, just let them burn. How funny it was that something so simple could give him such hesitation. It felt too reminiscent of things he tried not to think about everyday. Snuffing out a flame could be so easy but he didn’t dare. He had done it before and it sickened him. Often times he would just watch the end turn to ash and fall, as the smoke rose to the sky above.

Sometimes he wished he could, too, follow it. But that’s when he would bring it to his lips and drag as hard as he could to feel that ache inside. He was still here and he had to keep going. It was too hypocritical to even romanticize the notion. But that fantasy also gave him cold clarity that his path was stronger than ever. His goals were beyond the pain his carried daily. This was bigger than him and he would not falter, he would not fail again. Order in the midst of the chaos that swirled in his lungs with every intake of smoke that reminded him of the former Red King.

It burnt holes inside him and filled him with a soothing outlet of pain. He tried to hold it in as long as possible until his body screamed to let it go. He did… Slowly. The ache faded from his chest and a small smile spread on his lips. This smile was different from the professional one he always wore, and he was sure that if any of his subordinates walked in on him right now, they wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference… But Suoh would have.

This smile was that of someone was trying to find peace in their transgressions but not quite knowing how, but managing. It was the smile of a lonesome King.

He didn’t know if he would ever solve this particular puzzle, but part of him was fine with that. It was fitting, that he would never completely understand Suoh, he was almost afraid to. 

His eyes rested on the small butt of the cigarette that was about to burn his fingers and set it down carefully, watching it smolder. The small break he allowed himself on this December evening was over. If he were gone any longer, he was sure his absence would be noted.

The remainder of the cigarette burnt away and his eyes followed the trail of smoke as it dissipated into the chill air. 

“See you, Suoh.”


	2. Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets can be both noble and selfish

He never told anyone where he buried him.

Even to this very moment, when he caught himself thinking about, his resolve on the matter never faltered. Whether it was out of stubbornness or a sense of duty as a King... In this sense they worked together to accomplish the goal of secrecy but for very different reasons.

It was his purpose as a King to maintain order all the while observing and respecting other King's territory unless it began to cause any disturbance to the order of which society unfolded itself. In a way, the Blue King's whole life was revolving around this one aspiration that was so much bigger than himself as an individual. Munakata Reisi long since realized his goals lined up with the role he was chosen for. His world was so vast and his intentions were to tame that world. Burying the Red King in that unremarkable place was a pathetic attempt to control that one particularly chaotic soul that marred his existence to this very day. It would mean nothing to anyone else but to the Blue King it meant peace.

For Munakata, the man who's decision of killing the only person who had the ability to understand him still gave him nightmares, not telling anyone where he buried Suoh was selfishness. No one else needed to know that it took him more than a half a day to dig the other man a proper grave on that island. No one had to know that he had chosen the very place where his sword pierced the man's heart a day before. Absolutely no one had to know that in the moments he was covering the man who he should have saved that he felt something unhinge in the core of his being. No one needed to know... they would find out soon enough how strongly he felt as soon as his Weissman Levels produced his now breaking sword.

That moment took his breath away, like everything that had happened in the last 12 days finally caught up to him all at once. There was a finality in the seconds that frozen flings of dirt were covering the face of his former lover. All the confidence and professionalism that he strived to maintain dissolved at that point. His Sword of Damocles wasn't the only thing that crumbled at that mere moment that left a lasting impression in every nerve in his body. 

The pain that he maintained to swallow manifested itself through bitter tears that stung his cheeks in the December cold. 

Suoh would have probably laughed at him if he saw him now. Or so Munakata would have wished. It would have been easier if the Red King had actually been cruel. It would have been so much can easier not to get attached to him. He never even told Suoh that, his duties as the Blue King severed him from expressing his interest in something more than a physical relationship. The desire was always a musing at the back of his mind that he pushed away whenever it presented itself... Whenever Suoh asked if he was interested in something more than just an occasional fuck. Whenever Suoh asked him to stay the night, that urge to say yes to everything almost slipped past his lips... But then the Blue King would easily say no and leave.

He didn't know what he resented more; the fact that Suoh could easily make Munakata sway from his driven path, or thought that the Blue King made it impossible for him to obtain happiness for his own selfish desires.

These thoughts hammered in his head and wore into his bones when he was finished with the grave. His hands ached but it was incomparable to the pain that bore into his chest. This was so final, this failure. He almost saved him, they just about had a chance. But he knew as soon as Totsuka Tatara died, that it would come to this... Suoh did too. Maybe if he had just left himself become something more to the other man... Maybe then things would be different? 

He stopped that train of thought as soon as it happened. The what ifs and maybes turned his blood cold in his veins and it was already going to be cold enough without Suoh's presence. This had to happen this way, he did not regret his choice. 

A bitter laugh escaped him, there was never a choice to being with. Suoh planned all this, he chose revenge over everyone else and he used Munakata as the means to exact it. And Munakata failed to stop him because of his divided resolve. In was probably in that moment that he realized just how much his personal feelings shook his actions, that the Blue King made a promise to himself and to Suoh that his path was clear once again. 

Quietly, with dirt ridden hands fumbling around, Munakata lit a cigarette and took a long drag, somehow feeling a little better. He sat down on the freshly upheaved earth, not caring about how the cold snow sank right through him.

"You know, Suoh, I actually loved you." He chuckled to himself and flicked the cigarette, ridding it of ashes.

"I never told you, but I think you knew the whole time. You really were a thorn in my side, you got in my way..." He swallowed his disappointment with difficulty for another moment. "But I don't regret you."

The air around him was still and calm and he knew that this place was a perfect fit for the Red King. He could know peace now without anyone disturbing him.

Munakata finished the rest of his cigarette and threw the remaining bit off beside him. "In some way...." He stated quietly. "You've helped me more than you realize... I thank you for that." He brushed his pants off as he stood and turned back to Suoh's final resting spot. 

"I'll come back." He murmured. And he did, every year, on the day of Totsuka's death... As it marked the real day that he lost Mikoto and himself in the process. It was not a mistake that he was going to repeat, but never one that he would forget.


End file.
